Open Question: Do you like my story? please answer? pretty please?
help me identify some of the flaws in it. I know I'm not perfect---ha ha not even close lol but can you tell me if its good for an amateur?
The start of something new: Lights, Camera and Action!
Every time I step onstage, I feel as if the whole world stops spinning. As if everyone in the audience has their eyes on me. Searching my soul for any source of potential for this to be the best act in the history of Ridgeford High. I swallow hard, tune out all distractions and take my first breath. Then I march across the stage with my head held high, making sure that everyone sees me and knows who I am. My heart beats faster and faster as my lines are delivered but I manage to deliver them with a flawless edge anyways. Sure, I'm nervous, of course I'm scared, but the fiery passion for acting within me ensures that I be the best I can be whenever I'm onstage.
Hi, my name is Kim, Kimberly Ann Holloway. I'm 15 years old and a sophomore at Ridgeford High, formerly known as Hell on Earth. Welcome to my piece of paradise. Oh, by the way I forgot to mention, I'm a foster child.
*************************************************************
"Hello? Kim! Wake up! The lunch bell rang like five minutes ago!"
I rose my head swiftly from the desk and winced in pain when I heard the joints in my neck crack from moving too fast. "Huh? What?" I murmured, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.
"Come on, lets go sleepy head!" Tory yelled at me like a drill sergeant and by the time I was to gather my things, she was already halfway through the door.
Tory's been with me since the starting of eighth grade. She was the kid with braces that kept to herself and nobody really paid attention to. While I was always the fat kid that everyone poked fun at for being so......well fat. Well as all fairy-tales go, we met at school and immediately realized we were perfect for each other. So I lost weight and she got rid of the braces and we both got super hot and all the guys are now dying for us. And we all lived happily ever after. The End. NOT! This isn't a fairy-tale so all the magic and fireworks went right up the author's ass. The pumpkin turned carriage never arrived and my supposed "Prince Charming" flipped me the finger and told me to, and I quote "Go eat a Twinkie and leave me alone, fatso!" I guess that's what I get for asking him out. Such nerve! But anyways, back to me and Tory. She never got rid of the metal mouth and guess what? I'm still fat. I guess my so called fairy tale ending was never meant to be.
I trudged slowly to my locker and put my books in.
"So," Tory asked, leaning against the adjacent locker. "Who are you going to Homecoming with?"
I gave her the most hateful look I could conjure up and asked in a sarcastic tone "Who do you think I'm going with, Tory?"
"I was only trying to start a conversation, you don't have to be so bitter" She replied.
"Bullshit. So, are we skippin' fifth hour or not?"
"Well duh! You know I hate that bitch, we just have to figure out a way to get past the metal detectors without those damn rent-a-cop motherfuckers catching us."
Yes, you heard her right. She said metal detectors. We live in the ghetto. So what? It's not so bad. You just have to know what to say at the right times and don't ever call the police, unless you wanna get shot. Oh, and when tv cameras come around just make sure your face isn't on there. Just your voice alone can be identified by the hardened criminals who don't wanna get caught. Around my parts, everyone has connections. Everyone knows who you are. So leak information to the cops and you're pretty much marked for life.
I slammed my locker shut and walked past the wannabe hookers in the hallway.
At lunch, as soon as I passed the table full of jocks,I heard wolf whistles and cries of "....Hey lil mama, can I get some fries with that shake?" Along with hoots of laughter and some more slurs that are too graphic to be mentioned on here. I glanced back, my face erupting in a gigantic blush of crimson red, just to see Alesha Hudson and some of her friends trailing along behind me.
"Oh, they're hooting for Alesha, not me." I sighed.
"What?" Tory asked.
"Oh its nothing. Just forget it"
I stepped in between the two barriers, not too much trouble for the average person but a tight squeeze for me. I walked forward and observed my choices for lunch.
"Well whaddya want?" The lunch lady asked. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I wasn't sure whether it was the three day old chicken nuggets that made me do so or the fact that I could smell her stench of stale cigarettes and old perfume from over here behind the counter.
"I'll take the macaroni and cheese with some chicken nuggets and maybe a choco chip cookie if I can find some money in my purse"
Before I could even move to go to the cashier's section I heard the person behind me make a super rude comment.
"Hey fat ass! Why don't you move your ass up so we can get
"Hey fat ass! Why don't you move your ass up so we can get our damn food?! Lunch don't last forever you fucking idiot!"
I looked back at the bitch and gave her a nasty look.
"Bitch what the fuck is you lookin' at? If you need a damn glamor shot then hurry the fuck up and come back with a camera!"
I turned around and slumped my shoulders. It gets really annoying when people use my weight as a weakness. Like an Achilles heel, where one strike can kill me. So food is pretty much my comfort in times like these. Its no wonder I'm so fat. Yeah, its pretty much like a vicious, continuous cycle.
"Better make that two cookies." I sighed, searching through my purse for the dollar needed to pay for the rest of my order. After I gave her the money, I punched in my ID number and found where Tory was sitting.
"Thank you" Tory said and grabbed my extra cookie.
"Hey! That's mine." I yelled and grabbed after it.
I felt someone's hands wrap around my face and cover my eyes.
"Matthew get your hands off me."
"Aww babe, whats wrong?" He asked jokingly and kissed me on the cheek.
"She stole my cookie!" I whined.
"You don't need it. If you plan on winning the next soccer game then that cookie is about ten pounds further from your goal."
"How am I going to win the next soccer game if I didn't sign up for soccer?" I asked confusedly. "Matt, what the fuck did you do?" I asked angrily, catching on to his ways.
"Oh, nothing." He answered airily. Then he moved to across the table to face Tory and as far away from me as possible. "Just scribbled your name on the sign up sheet for soccer that's all."
I widened my eyes in shock and squealed. "Matt you didn't!"
"Well, I'm concerned about your weight and the sign up sheet needed only one more person so I thought. . ."
SMACK!
"How could you!?"
He was now rubbing his right cheek vigorously and swearing under his breath.
"I'm sorry, Kim. I promise I wont ever do it again but damn you have a powerful hand!"
"Ugh! I'll have to go talk to the coach tomorrow afternoon. I'm gettin' me off the damn team." I muttered.
"Uhh, yeah about that. The fine print at the bottom of the list said you couldn't opt out of soccer until the soccer season's over"
"What?!" I nearly choked on my milk.
SMACK!
"Ok I guess I deserve that one too but really, Kim? I'm only trying to do what's best for you" He whined.
"You're not my moth-" I quieted down and looked away, the tears just yearning to fall. I wiped them away and begun again, this time in a low tone. "You're not my foster mom, Matt. You don't decide what's best for me."
I looked over at Matt but he wasn't there. I felt his arms wrap around me and we were both now rocking together. Mind you, this is the closest I've ever been to having a boyfriend or even getting laid, so I accepted and let him comfort me.
"Hey," He whispered softly into my ear and pushed a strand of my hair behind it. "I'm sorry, forgive me?"
I closed my eyes and nodded yes. He gave me one final hug and kissed me on the cheek once more before leaving.
Tory just shook her head and took out her math homework.
Soon after, the bell rung again.
************************************************Later that day
"Drama Time!" Mrs. Bradford yelled from the stage as we each filed in and took our seats in the auditorium.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh scent of the auditorium. The atmosphere was filled with the smell of makeup still lingering in the air, coupled with the smell of a newly polished hardwood floor and a strange pine scent as a result of the excessive Pine-Sol being used by the school custodians. Oh yeah, I was in the zone now.
"Down to business people" Mrs. Bradford yelled, her stern voice quieting the crowd. She stressed her words and commanded the attention of the whole group.
"Today we'll be working on facial expressions. Oh and one more thing, be on your toes today. Sponsors for our annual play are coming around these parts today to observe us in action. Do as they say and make sur-. . . . . . ."
She was cut off by the sound of multiple feet and incoherent shouting as well as excessive swearing and the sound of punches being thrown.
"Be right back" She said nervously and rushed towards the two metal doors that kept the chaos outside. The doors briefly opened to display another race riot. Uh-oh. I rolled my eyes and plunked down back into my seat.
See, at my school, race riots aren't that uncommon. Almost anything can start it. As long as there's reason, no matter how small, a race riot will most definitely be the result. Most of the Drama 101 students had crowded at the door, watching the bloody battle rage on outside. They were also commenting on it too which called for other comments either siding with the commenter or openly disagreeing with the person.
"Oh-no," I sighed, grabbing my stuff quickly. It was too late though. I heard shouting and screaming from behind me and turned to see two boys, both of different ethnic backgrounds, engaged in a fight.
One, I think his name was Nick, was on top of Brad and punching the daylight out of him. Students surrounded the two and cheered on. I guess Mrs. Bradford was right. It is drama time.
Click Here to Lose Weight Fast And Safely! [more...]